Not Yours

Bold what applies to you!

2011-11-04T13:12:00.002+08:00

I am a boy.I am a girl.I am shorter than 5’4.I think I’m ugly sometimes.I have many scars.I tan easily. I wish my hair was a different color.I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.I have a tattoo.I am self-conscious about my appearance.I have/I’ve had braces.I wear glasses.I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.I have more than 2 piercings.I have piercing in places besides my ears.I have freckles.I’ve sworn at my parents.I’ve run away from home.I’ve been kicked out of the house.I have a sibling less than one year old.I want to have kids someday. I’ve lost a child.I’m in school.I have a job. I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.I almost always do/did my homework.I’ve missed a week or more of school.I’ve been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.I failed more than 1 class last year.I’ve stolen something from my job. I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.Disney movies still make me cry.I’ve peed from laughing. I’ve snorted while laughing. I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.I’ve glued my hand to something. I’ve had my pants rip in public. I was born with a disease/impairment I’ve gotten stitches/staples.I’ve broken a bone.I’ve had my tonsils removed. I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend. I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed. I had a serious surgery.I’ve had chicken pox.I’ve had measles.I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.I’ve been on a plane.I’ve been to Canada.I’ve been to MexicoI’ve been to Niagara Falls.I’ve been to Japan.I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.I’ve been to Europe.I’ve been to Africa.I’ve gotten lost in my city.I’ve seen a shooting star.I’ve wished on a shooting star.I’ve seen a meteor shower.I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.I’ve been to a casino.I’ve been skydiving.I’ve gone skinny dipping.I’ve played spin the bottle.I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. I’ve crashed a car.I’ve been skiing.I’ve been in a play.I’ve met someone in person from MySpace.I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.I’ve seen the Northern lights.I’ve sat on a roof top at night.I’ve played chicken.I’ve played a prank on someone.I’ve ridden in a taxi.I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.I’ve eaten sushi.I’ve been snowboarding.I’m single. I’m in a relationship.I’m engaged.I’m married.I’ve gone on a blind date.I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.I miss someone right now.I have a fear of abandonment.I’ve gotten divorced.I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.I’ve kept something from a past relationship.I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.I’ve had a crush on a teacher. I am a cuddler.I’ve been kissed in the rain.I’ve hugged a stranger. I have kissed a stranger.I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.I’ve sneaked out of my house.I have lied to my parents about where I am.I am keeping a secret from the world.I’ve cheated while playing a game.I’ve cheated on a test. I’ve run a red light.I’ve been suspended from school.I’ve witnessed a crime. I’ve been in a fist fight.I’ve been arrested. I’ve consumed alcohol.I regularly drink.I’ve passed out from drinking.I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.I’ve smoked weed.I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.I’ve eaten shrooms.I’ve popped E.I’ve inhaled Nitrous.I’ve done hard drugs.I have cough drops when I’m not sick.I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.I shut others out when I’m depressed.I take anti-depressants.I have been anorexic or bulimic.I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.I’ve hurt myself on purpose. I’ve woken up crying.I’m afraid of dying.I hate funerals.I’ve seen someone dying.Someone close to me has committed suicide.I’ve planned my own suicide.I’ve attempted suicide.I’ve written a eulogy for myself.I own over 5 rap CDs.I own an iPod or MP3 player.I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga. I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.I own something from Hot Topic.I own something from Pac Sun. I collect comic books.I own something from Gap.I own something I got from e-bay.I own something from Abercrombie.I can sing well. I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.I open up to others easily.I watch the news.I don’t kill bugs.I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.I curse regularly.I sing in the shower.I am a morning person. I paid for my cell phone ring tone.I’m a snob about grammar. I am a sports fanatic.I twirl my hair.I have “x”s in my screen name. I love being neat.I love Spam. I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a dayI bake well.My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.I’ve worn pajamas to school.I like Martha Stewart.I know how to shoot a gun I am in love with love.I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.I laugh at my own jokes.I eat fast food weekly.I believe in ghosts.I am online 24/7, even as an away message.I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.I am really ticklish.I love white chocolateI bite my nails.I play video games.I’m good at remembering names. I’m good at remembering dates.I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

The Carpenter

2011-08-22T08:43:00.003+08:00

Dear friends,

God bless us all.

The Carpenter

Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side-by-side, sharing machinery and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch.

Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference and finally, it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.

One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I 'm looking for a few days' work," he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?"

"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor. In fact, it's my younger brother! Last week there was a meadow between us. He recently took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll do him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore."

The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you."

The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day -- measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job.

The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all.

It was a bridge .. A bridge that stretched from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work, handrails and all! And the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming toward them, his hand outstretched..

"You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done."

The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox onto his shoulder.

"No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother.
"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but I have many more bridges to build."

Remember This...
God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but He'll ask how many people you helped get where they needed to go.

God won't ask the square footage of your house, but He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, but He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

God won't ask how many friends you had, but He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, but He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won't ask about the color of your skin, but He'll ask about the content of your character.

God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation, but He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in Heaven, and not to the gates of hell.

=(

2011-08-14T21:28:00.000+08:00

my heart is breaking...

Im so sad...

2011-08-07T17:30:00.002+08:00

What a beautiful town.
How I wish here is where I belong
But just like all other,
Home is not in this place.

Nowhere is home
The search is too high a cost
For a poor one like me
I will never find it

What a foolish thought
Thinking that I can keep
The new gift I found.
After all, it was a gift never meant for me

Saying Goodbye

2011-07-22T10:18:00.004+08:00

I'm finding a whole new twist

I'm tasting a whole new spice

In this new land I was kissed

By inspiration not at all wise.

Im tracing my steps one last time,

Im counting them one by one,

Im letting go my past so one of a kind

I will miss them again someday

But that day is not today.

Today is where I let go

All the things of yesterday

Today is where I move on

From where I've always stayed

Today I will bid farewell

To the glorious stories written

To the tears and the nightmares

and the pain, my closest companion

I'm turning the page

For a new story

I will not be caged

So just watch and see

This is me, Im moving on.

500 miles away

2011-07-05T20:24:00.003+08:00

i remember a crossroad
500 miles ago,
the roads split three,
each seducing me,

i saw the one,
I desperately want
yet the wind blew strong
and I was swept away

I stepped onto a path
a detour so unexpected
it led me to the borders
of far away from destiny

even now, im not half way there
how long more before I reach?
but I MUST keep walking
or it'll mean death here.

I've come this far,
I WILL NOT change course!
or I'll spend all eternity
regretting I lived this life.

its another 500 miles away.

Cold Battlefield

2011-05-05T21:25:00.002+08:00

Its a war every morning,
There's always a fight
The enemy is closing in,
And I'm losing my strength

I'll never get use to air here
The smell of filth surrounds it
Still, it's the only home I know
A broken and distorted one.

My hands and feet are failing
They've chosen to numb themselves,
They hate me for leading them
Out into this cold battlefield

2 Worlds

2011-04-13T21:06:00.001+08:00

Sounds awesome, having the best of both worlds..
What if you really get the worst of both?

Broken, Stolen.

2011-04-08T19:42:00.005+08:00

Not too long ago, an intruder crossed my way
He seemed lost, asking for direction.
I casually taught him the nearby paths
There he shouldn't go, that he shouldn't take.

He told me he couldn't understand,
And so asked for my guidance,
I generously led him to the ones I know,
Showing him all that I've been through

I thought that I've did good, I was overjoyed.
I've given a good advice, I'm growing up.
I've helped a lost person to find his way.
Little did I expect, that was not it.

Before i knew, my steps were traced.
He learnt my habits, my dos and don'ts
He found a way in to a secret place,
One i have reserved for a special person.

He entered through the corner of a broken cloud,
A flaw I have so carelessly revealed.
That which is precious to me is now stolen
I must fight to take it back

the great war behind these grey walls

2011-04-05T20:38:00.003+08:00

I hate this room of Grey
Yet, there is no turning back,
a promise I made long ago
But will I ever exit this place?

I saw a spark of blue.
Was it just my imagination?
Or is there really hope?
I'm praying hard for the latter.

I gave up on the exit,
I'm convinced there isn't one
I sat here on these Grey floors
Staring into memories I dearly missed

I closed my eyes and there I heard,
Whispers that come from beyond these walls
They became louder and louder
And their voices echoed throughout

I reached out to touch,
they were as cold as ever,
And just before I took my hands off,
These still walls shook.

There is a great war behind these Grey walls,
I heard their battle cries
They were reaching a simple message,
Fighting its way to me.

I heard one making its way in,
"You'll never make it", it said.
"You'll never find a way out", it continued.
"You're worn out, you can't do anything"
It continued.

Yet a whisper came in louder than all.
"It's me," It was a familiar voice.
"I'll make it for you, don't give up"
"I'll break these walls down, don't give up"
"I'll be your strength, Don't give up"
The whisper grew stronger and stronger.

My Lord, my God, I won't ever give up. It is a promise You taught me to make, when you first made.

Graduated.

2011-03-29T19:47:00.004+08:00

I did not mention

Just before this stop, I was at a valley. What an incredible journey that was! Some corners are darker than even night, yet other parts are always morning.

Spending 3 full years has allowed me to carefully explore every twist and turn. And each step I took I found something amazing, some I loved, and some I hated.

I would today, abuse the cliche.. Today when I look again upon the things I have done, what a dream it seems like.. so unreal. The things I've done and the things I've done with others, they were all magic

I have unnoticedly built friendships that I will now carry with me to the ends of the earth and beyond.

I wouldnt dare to say I'll remember them all the time. But on the darkest hour of my dimmest day, I will recall the miracles we have created together and that will help me to live the best I can till earth is over and done.

Still, the one who has worked most is my Father, my Saviour. The graceful God who watched me wherever i went. For that, all glory belongs to Him.

p/s: i'll upload more pics when i get them =P

long journey

2011-03-25T21:21:00.002+08:00

It has been a long way here
but ahead is a way even longer
It has become clear to me
a depressing fact that crashed in

This is a one-way road
there is no turning back
and every stop I make
confirms it more and more

Earth is no home.
there is no place here
that would fill my heart
no place at all

i reached here recently, a place of Grey
No, it is not black. No, not white either
There is no pain here, no joy either
There is only static air and nothing else

This is the worst stop yet,
It is numbing my whole self.
I pray desperately that this is all it is,
Just a stop

There is still a long journey before I see Home,
That is what I believe.

Addicted to Sleep

2011-03-23T20:37:00.002+08:00

its 8.40pm now.

Im going to shower,

Read my bible,

Then sleep.

God Bless Your Night. ^^

Proudly Introducing

2011-03-12T21:42:00.005+08:00

I saw today, a waking dream
I couldn't care less, I was half asleep
Yet how captivated my soul was,
As I sat and simply watched

A miracle came to pass
One single moment it lasts
The scene to remember this lifetime
Dived deep into my heart

Their voices fought against the clash of thunder
Fighting their petition to heaven's gate
In the midst of a great storm they stand
Yet standing among them a whisper greater than all
Every word, every cry the whisper hears
A whisper that sits above heaven's throne

once upon a time

2011-03-04T22:54:00.002+08:00

It was a glorious story told, once upon a time,
about love and friendship and victories won.
It is a story I've almost forgotten,
if not reminded by a recent dream.

An unfinished mission calls out to me,
one hidden in my heart all eternity
So alas I'll begin this journey of mine
a journey procrastinated all my life.

wish me luck!

p/s. Daniel! Stop invading my dreams!

where?

2011-02-14T23:12:00.006+08:00

there is nothing behind the shadows
that is what I found on this unending road.

there is no colour but black,
painted by those who refuse to see.
there is no sound but silence,
played by those who refuse to hear

still, my nerves seize to fail.
every ounce of hurt pierces through my heart
every step I take only amplifies the pain
when will it ever stop?

the only thing real were my tears,
they fell when I realize this isn't home,
What should I do? Where should I go?
I cried the questions aloud.

Then a voice appeared, one I did not expect
a whisper broke through the shadows and won the silence
it spoke an answer that no one else hears
I heard two words, "follow me"

Here, I must chose an obvious choice
to follow the light, or remain in shadows.
I do not have to think twice, the light is my answer
For I do not belong in the dark,
the pain told me so.

I was prepared to fight, but the victory was won.
I reached out my arms, and a hand held mine
just like that, I got out of there
I never want to enter again,
I never want to see darkness again.
the pain as my reminder.

secretly

2011-02-13T23:18:00.002+08:00

Did you know...?

I secretly love you.

the darkness

2011-02-12T22:32:00.006+08:00

when I'm here, the darkness calls out to me.
its cool appearance seems horribly seductive.
I imagine the eternal rest that I yearn for,
one I cannot find under the sun.

the Mysteries behind the shadows,
the stories about power and greatness,
all luring me in to that which I cannot see.
I find myself walking towards a path unforeseen.

I reached out to nothingness,
and found something I should never have
the great mystery unfolded,
and it all became clear to me.

The darkness is nothing but a mere cover,
to hide its hideous face,
to mercilessly haul the souls of passerby
to share its endless pain.

Dear travelers, heed the sign, 'Beware'
Do not be fooled by its wretched appearance
This is where wounds never heal
and rest is never found.

crash

2011-02-11T23:48:00.002+08:00

All my years spent running away from my nightmare... It has finally caught up to me.

I cant breathe.

Missness

2011-02-09T01:41:00.002+08:00

It was too random today.. =)

went out to watch Yogi Bear. Strongly NOT RECOMMENDED. =O

BUT! =) it was awesome. today was not bout d movie, but bout time spent with precious friends and sisters. I was so tired I could barely walk. but when I talk to them and laugh with them, the moments were so priceless I would do it again on any other tiring day.

I met someone unexpected today.. (actually I hoped tht I would bump in to him) haha! Daniel and friends.. =D I didnt say hi.. but I waved tho.. =) Gosh, I missed him.. He's a special friend, one that even if a hundred years were to pass without us ever keeping in touch, I would still remember him. hmm.. Maybe it is his GOD-GIVEN talent in drawing... O_O

He is incredibly gifted that it would break my heart to see it jz fade away. He has not been drawing for a long time.. for some reason I felt sad. i want to see his drawings!! i wanna collect them and stare at them everyday. (OMG, i sound like a stalker.. XD)

Energy

2011-02-08T00:59:00.002+08:00

Stop stealing energy from me. I really don't have enough to spare.

Stop pouring salt on me. Im already shattering..

and you're still expecting sugar from me?

Im all out.

My Mom - In Hospital

2010-09-03T23:10:00.003+08:00

yes. shockingly, my mom was emitted to the hospital this morning.

What happened?

She was too low on red blood cell that she needs immediate emission to recieve blood transfusion. (the normal number is 11.5. hers was 5.45) =.=

She has a few lumps in her stomach which needs to be removed. (hopefully none of them is cancerous..) T.T

it was devastating.. But life goes on.. Besides, My Lord Guides thru circumstances. So smile!

My Mom and her fish cake soup....... =)

Conclusion : Help me to pray for my mom. thx. =)

=/

2010-09-01T23:21:00.002+08:00

im secretly addicted to love stories coz im such an idiot in real life.......

PenDrive... lost again

2010-08-14T23:02:00.001+08:00

T.T

i lost my pendrive again........................

a half black, half white Apacer pendrive withour cover.......... T.T wuu~~~

POST 1

2010-08-08T23:21:00.002+08:00

i've really deleted all my older post.

Super lazy wanna keep them anymore. =/
they felt like weights on my back that forces me to hunch....
i'm sleeping darn early nowa-nights.. =) 11.45..
(i know.. i cant believe it either....)

and strangely, i can no longer survive 5 hours a night...
its either at least 7 or my day is gone. O_O
even afternoon naps wont work...
I jz bounce up after 20 minutes... O_O

is this how real Human should live???