It was for a greeting.

I did it! I posted something on facebook right after I said I wouldn't.. But it's okay. I forgive myself since I posted it for a Raya greeting. :)

Everyone seems to be in celebrating mood now.. Laughing, smiling, joking around... And I'm here, all by myself.. -_-

No, I'm not bitter. I just wish that I was born with lots of fun things to say.. ya know? I caught some of those celebration spirit and even I am celebrating with them.. In my own way.


:) Selamat Hari Raya! These celebration times are good to have.. Holiday.. ;P

People around me

I realized that if you'd like to be cared for, you have to really fight for it. There are moments (namely now) that I feel utterly exhausted from trying just to stay within the sights of friends and family. And if you are not quick enough, their eyes will turn elsewhere and they won't be able to see you anymore.

I think this is tiring. I think I should just move on with life without these people. I think I can find better things to do than to always try to be with people.

So yeah. I'm not even going to try talking to them. at all. If I find them rude, I'm just gonna not tell them and just walk away. If they come running after me for help, I shall only oblige for a worthy cause (highly unlikely at any point of time).

That is all. No, I'm not available. Don't look for me. I'm busy. Farewell.

*Shuts door*

:DDD

Studies has proven that when you are sad and depressed, you should just force smiles. Then you will feel better.

Smile! Smile Smile! :'DD hahaha!

I really wanted to post on facebook that I'm sad today. I almost did. I was a single click away. I didn't. My pride wouldn't let me. I promised myself I will not post a single word on facebook for the rest of this year and if I go back on this, it would feel as though I failed myself in yet another simple thing. I can't add one more to the already overflowing list of failures.

Besides, no one on facebook cares anyway. no point.


I really feel sad and depressed today. No, I am not telling why (not that anyone will read this) because it will be a disaster if I do.
Smile! Smile Smile!

:'D

One of those days when you seem to hate everything

I hate.

I hate you.
I hate corn
I hate fish
I hate vege
I hate tables
I hate cars
I hate bicycles
I hate the wind
I hate the sun
I hate the clouds
I hate papers
I hate books
I hate music
I hate land
I hate water
I hate birds
I hate dogs
I hate cats
I hate songs
I hate air
I hate chatting
I hate mirrors
I hate working
I hate typing
I hate talking to people
I hate listening
I hate dreams
I hate reality
I hate waking up
I hate going to sleep
I hate opening my eyes
I hate closing my eyes
I hate showers
I hate brushing my teeth
I hate putting on clothes
I hate eating
I hate answering calls
I hate checking my phone
I hate receiving messages
I hate delivering them
I hate adam
I hate eve
I hate chopsticks
I hate spoon
I hate forks
I hate bottles
I hate water
I hate everything.
I hate smiling
I hate crying
I hate laughing
I hate frowning
I hate waiting
I hate now
I hate later
I hate searching
I hate finding
I hate it here
I hate it there
I hate my name
I hate your name
I hate advice
I hate lectures
I hate silence.


Not really.
But I hate it really.

Won't you tell me?

I think I've found you. Won't you tell me how to save you?

It's not real

I think I have a problem. When there is no music, it's like the world isn't really here and I don't really exist.

scared.

SCARED!

Crazy

I am going crazy.

I'm doing a really bad thing, aren't I? It's been a long time, but I've not gotten over the trauma. If it happens again, it would be too dramatic. too much!!

Guess it wont, but I'm too afraid.

Then there's this really expensive trip. Should I go? Should I not? Should I take it? Should I not? Should I???????? God, if it's from you, give me a solid, confirming answer. Please??? One so solid, I can't say NO.

I didn't earn it. but that's what grace is. But the story of Cain and Abel. wait... =_= wait, what? how about that story of not giving God what you have not earned? It's like giving God free stuff!

I am going crazy.

I'm already crazy, aren't I?

Nevermind.

Tell me.

Tell me why I was born.

Where are you?

Hi Boy,

Where are you? This land is too vast for one like me. The morning's a desert place - there is no water, no food, nothing grows here. At night, the neon lights turn on, invisible streets appear and the shadowmen awaken. Could you be among those that walk in shadows?

I could hear your voice. Yet, no matter how I search, you are no where to be found.

I made a promise that if you ever call on me, I would travel the world and run to the furthest corners of this earth to bring you back. But are you at a place I have no entry to? Are you at a place where I cannot go?

There is no address I could send this letter to, so I'll rely on the wind and pray it will bring it to you.

Won't you tell me where you are?


Most Sincerely,
Sheryn

How about now?

Well, I can only post really depressing thoughts here. I have to think twice about the other places. =_=

Some time ago, I asked this: Can I die now, please?

But it wasn't time yet.

How about now? I'm kinda tired of living already. But dying now would mean regrets. A lot of it.

After 23 years, and I still feel like an alien on earth.

I'm sorry I didn't see you. I'll try keeping a look out from now on.

What else am I depressed about?

You can stop pretending, you know. I can tell.

How can someone live so many years and not grow up?

I can't believe you don't know why I cried. You are my parent.

I want a God whom I can see and touch.

I think dreams are better than reality.

I've fallen in love with someone who probably does not exist.

I still hate growing up.

I hate paperwork, unless if it's arts and craft.

Sometimes, I smile simply because no one would talk to a sulking face.

Sometimes, I pretend like my spirits are up when they are actually down, so people wouldn't have to feel burdened that they have to worry or comfort me.

Even when I'm really tired, I have to pretend like I'm not because they hate looking at tired faces.

Who are you really? You can't be as shallow as you appear to be. Can you? Won't you reveal yourself?

Do you really need to pretend to be someone you're not just to impress?

I think I feel just almost a little bit better now. ^^

Suddenly, I feel sad again.

My shoulder aches so badly, but I can't tell anyone.

I'm writing so many things here, but I can't tell anyone.

And I'm still really afraid. I'd trust anyone if they told me they were telling the truth.

My biggest fear is to be lost and all alone (right next to insects) which I constantly am.

Strange Story

Once upon a time, there was a young boy who lived with his parents in an ordinary house. Now, in their backyard was a huge apple tree. Being young and small as the boy was, the very thought of plucking an apple from the tree seemed glorious.

So, he asked his parents if he could climb the tree to get an apple. "Yes, you may," the father said, "only after you have dug 6 feet below the apple tree, then you may start climbing." He hands a small shovel to the boy.

The naive boy obliged. He spent months digging the ground, breaking a hand and leg in the process. When he had completed, he found himself trapped 6 feet under in a space of what looked like a coffin hole. It was a miracle if he could climb out of the hole at all, let alone climb tree!

Now things are running through his mind. He was getting good at this whole digging thing and only got swifter by the day. Perhaps he should just break the roots of the tree, destroy it so he can get his apple? After that, he can proceed to break the foundations of the house to get back at his father? To be continued.

I want to die.

I finally said it.

I want to die.

Alien trapped on earth

I'm an alien trapped on earth
The color of my skin not of earth
The world saw me but didn't notice
They made me dress just like everyone else

They pushed me to a corner
And demand that I conform
They'll paint my red skin grey
If it's the last thing they'll do

With each step they take forward
I'll take one step backward
I do not wish to see a tragic end
Yet, there's no end to this

Soon, I'll reach the walls
A border they thought had no escape
When that day comes
That wall and all else will exist no longer

For I will detonate it
With a weapon I've brought
From a world far away
But that's the last thing I'd do

Now, with each step they take forward
I'll take one step backward
I do not wish to see a tragic end
There's no end to this

Ripped Out

Ripping out was a good idea.

Something inside me died, but it was a part I wanted dead anyway.

Now I need healing.

No, I don't regret cutting it off.

It was painful, but its better than having it suck my blood.

Dear God

Dear God,

A little help, please?


Sincerely
Lost Child

Calling Emergency.

Because this is really tiring. A little help here, please!

It has been ripped out.

What I had to do was no different than suicide. Ripping what was a part of me out. But what has been done can no longer be undone.

Straight out.

Well.. no one reads blogspots anymore I guess a little straightforward negativity is alright here?

I am feeling so sad right now. =(

Bold what applies to you!

I am a boy.I am a girl.I am shorter than 5’4.I think I’m ugly sometimes.I have many scars.I tan easily. I wish my hair was a different color.I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.I have a tattoo.I am self-conscious about my appearance.I have/I’ve had braces.I wear glasses.I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.I have more than 2 piercings.I have piercing in places besides my ears.I have freckles.I’ve sworn at my parents.I’ve run away from home.I’ve been kicked out of the house.I have a sibling less than one year old.I want to have kids someday. I’ve lost a child.I’m in school.I have a job. I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.I almost always do/did my homework.I’ve missed a week or more of school.I’ve been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.I failed more than 1 class last year.I’ve stolen something from my job. I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.Disney movies still make me cry.I’ve peed from laughing. I’ve snorted while laughing. I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.I’ve glued my hand to something. I’ve had my pants rip in public. I was born with a disease/impairment I’ve gotten stitches/staples.I’ve broken a bone.I’ve had my tonsils removed. I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend. I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed. I had a serious surgery.I’ve had chicken pox.I’ve had measles.I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.I’ve been on a plane.I’ve been to Canada.I’ve been to MexicoI’ve been to Niagara Falls.I’ve been to Japan.I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.I’ve been to Europe.I’ve been to Africa.I’ve gotten lost in my city.I’ve seen a shooting star.I’ve wished on a shooting star.I’ve seen a meteor shower.I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.I’ve been to a casino.I’ve been skydiving.I’ve gone skinny dipping.I’ve played spin the bottle.I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. I’ve crashed a car.I’ve been skiing.I’ve been in a play.I’ve met someone in person from MySpace.I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.I’ve seen the Northern lights.I’ve sat on a roof top at night.I’ve played chicken.I’ve played a prank on someone.I’ve ridden in a taxi.I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.I’ve eaten sushi.I’ve been snowboarding.I’m single. I’m in a relationship.I’m engaged.I’m married.I’ve gone on a blind date.I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.I miss someone right now.I have a fear of abandonment.I’ve gotten divorced.I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.I’ve kept something from a past relationship.I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.I’ve had a crush on a teacher. I am a cuddler.I’ve been kissed in the rain.I’ve hugged a stranger. I have kissed a stranger.I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.I’ve sneaked out of my house.I have lied to my parents about where I am.I am keeping a secret from the world.I’ve cheated while playing a game.I’ve cheated on a test. I’ve run a red light.I’ve been suspended from school.I’ve witnessed a crime. I’ve been in a fist fight.I’ve been arrested. I’ve consumed alcohol.I regularly drink.I’ve passed out from drinking.I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.I’ve smoked weed.I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.I’ve eaten shrooms.I’ve popped E.I’ve inhaled Nitrous.I’ve done hard drugs.I have cough drops when I’m not sick.I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.I shut others out when I’m depressed.I take anti-depressants.I have been anorexic or bulimic.I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.I’ve hurt myself on purpose. I’ve woken up crying.I’m afraid of dying.I hate funerals.I’ve seen someone dying.Someone close to me has committed suicide.I’ve planned my own suicide.I’ve attempted suicide.I’ve written a eulogy for myself.I own over 5 rap CDs.I own an iPod or MP3 player.I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga. I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.I own something from Hot Topic.I own something from Pac Sun. I collect comic books.I own something from Gap.I own something I got from e-bay.I own something from Abercrombie.I can sing well. I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.I open up to others easily.I watch the news.I don’t kill bugs.I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.I curse regularly.I sing in the shower.I am a morning person. I paid for my cell phone ring tone.I’m a snob about grammar. I am a sports fanatic.I twirl my hair.I have “x”s in my screen name. I love being neat.I love Spam. I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a dayI bake well.My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.I’ve worn pajamas to school.I like Martha Stewart.I know how to shoot a gun I am in love with love.I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.I laugh at my own jokes.I eat fast food weekly.I believe in ghosts.I am online 24/7, even as an away message.I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.I am really ticklish.I love white chocolateI bite my nails.I play video games.I’m good at remembering names. I’m good at remembering dates.I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.