It's not real

I think I have a problem. When there is no music, it's like the world isn't really here and I don't really exist.

scared.

SCARED!

Crazy

I am going crazy.

I'm doing a really bad thing, aren't I? It's been a long time, but I've not gotten over the trauma. If it happens again, it would be too dramatic. too much!!

Guess it wont, but I'm too afraid.

Then there's this really expensive trip. Should I go? Should I not? Should I take it? Should I not? Should I???????? God, if it's from you, give me a solid, confirming answer. Please??? One so solid, I can't say NO.

I didn't earn it. but that's what grace is. But the story of Cain and Abel. wait... =_= wait, what? how about that story of not giving God what you have not earned? It's like giving God free stuff!

I am going crazy.

I'm already crazy, aren't I?

Nevermind.

Tell me.

Tell me why I was born.

Where are you?

Hi Boy,

Where are you? This land is too vast for one like me. The morning's a desert place - there is no water, no food, nothing grows here. At night, the neon lights turn on, invisible streets appear and the shadowmen awaken. Could you be among those that walk in shadows?

I could hear your voice. Yet, no matter how I search, you are no where to be found.

I made a promise that if you ever call on me, I would travel the world and run to the furthest corners of this earth to bring you back. But are you at a place I have no entry to? Are you at a place where I cannot go?

There is no address I could send this letter to, so I'll rely on the wind and pray it will bring it to you.

Won't you tell me where you are?


Most Sincerely,
Sheryn

How about now?

Well, I can only post really depressing thoughts here. I have to think twice about the other places. =_=

Some time ago, I asked this: Can I die now, please?

But it wasn't time yet.

How about now? I'm kinda tired of living already. But dying now would mean regrets. A lot of it.

After 23 years, and I still feel like an alien on earth.

I'm sorry I didn't see you. I'll try keeping a look out from now on.

What else am I depressed about?

You can stop pretending, you know. I can tell.

How can someone live so many years and not grow up?

I can't believe you don't know why I cried. You are my parent.

I want a God whom I can see and touch.

I think dreams are better than reality.

I've fallen in love with someone who probably does not exist.

I still hate growing up.

I hate paperwork, unless if it's arts and craft.

Sometimes, I smile simply because no one would talk to a sulking face.

Sometimes, I pretend like my spirits are up when they are actually down, so people wouldn't have to feel burdened that they have to worry or comfort me.

Even when I'm really tired, I have to pretend like I'm not because they hate looking at tired faces.

Who are you really? You can't be as shallow as you appear to be. Can you? Won't you reveal yourself?

Do you really need to pretend to be someone you're not just to impress?

I think I feel just almost a little bit better now. ^^

Suddenly, I feel sad again.

My shoulder aches so badly, but I can't tell anyone.

I'm writing so many things here, but I can't tell anyone.

And I'm still really afraid. I'd trust anyone if they told me they were telling the truth.

My biggest fear is to be lost and all alone (right next to insects) which I constantly am.

Strange Story

Once upon a time, there was a young boy who lived with his parents in an ordinary house. Now, in their backyard was a huge apple tree. Being young and small as the boy was, the very thought of plucking an apple from the tree seemed glorious.

So, he asked his parents if he could climb the tree to get an apple. "Yes, you may," the father said, "only after you have dug 6 feet below the apple tree, then you may start climbing." He hands a small shovel to the boy.

The naive boy obliged. He spent months digging the ground, breaking a hand and leg in the process. When he had completed, he found himself trapped 6 feet under in a space of what looked like a coffin hole. It was a miracle if he could climb out of the hole at all, let alone climb tree!

Now things are running through his mind. He was getting good at this whole digging thing and only got swifter by the day. Perhaps he should just break the roots of the tree, destroy it so he can get his apple? After that, he can proceed to break the foundations of the house to get back at his father? To be continued.

I want to die.

I finally said it.

I want to die.

Alien trapped on earth

I'm an alien trapped on earth
The color of my skin not of earth
The world saw me but didn't notice
They made me dress just like everyone else

They pushed me to a corner
And demand that I conform
They'll paint my red skin grey
If it's the last thing they'll do

With each step they take forward
I'll take one step backward
I do not wish to see a tragic end
Yet, there's no end to this

Soon, I'll reach the walls
A border they thought had no escape
When that day comes
That wall and all else will exist no longer

For I will detonate it
With a weapon I've brought
From a world far away
But that's the last thing I'd do

Now, with each step they take forward
I'll take one step backward
I do not wish to see a tragic end
There's no end to this

Ripped Out

Ripping out was a good idea.

Something inside me died, but it was a part I wanted dead anyway.

Now I need healing.

No, I don't regret cutting it off.

It was painful, but its better than having it suck my blood.

Dear God

Dear God,

A little help, please?


Sincerely
Lost Child

Calling Emergency.

Because this is really tiring. A little help here, please!

It has been ripped out.

What I had to do was no different than suicide. Ripping what was a part of me out. But what has been done can no longer be undone.

Straight out.

Well.. no one reads blogspots anymore I guess a little straightforward negativity is alright here?

I am feeling so sad right now. =(

Bold what applies to you!

I am a boy.I am a girl.I am shorter than 5’4.I think I’m ugly sometimes.I have many scars.I tan easily. I wish my hair was a different color.I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.I have a tattoo.I am self-conscious about my appearance.I have/I’ve had braces.I wear glasses.I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.I have more than 2 piercings.I have piercing in places besides my ears.I have freckles.I’ve sworn at my parents.I’ve run away from home.I’ve been kicked out of the house.I have a sibling less than one year old.I want to have kids someday. I’ve lost a child.I’m in school.I have a job. I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.I almost always do/did my homework.I’ve missed a week or more of school.I’ve been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.I failed more than 1 class last year.I’ve stolen something from my job. I’ve slipped out an “lol” in a spoken conversation.Disney movies still make me cry.I’ve peed from laughing. I’ve snorted while laughing. I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.I’ve glued my hand to something. I’ve had my pants rip in public. I was born with a disease/impairment I’ve gotten stitches/staples.I’ve broken a bone.I’ve had my tonsils removed. I’ve sat in a doctor’s office/emergency room with a friend. I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed. I had a serious surgery.I’ve had chicken pox.I’ve had measles.I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.I’ve been on a plane.I’ve been to Canada.I’ve been to MexicoI’ve been to Niagara Falls.I’ve been to Japan.I’ve celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.I’ve been to Europe.I’ve been to Africa.I’ve gotten lost in my city.I’ve seen a shooting star.I’ve wished on a shooting star.I’ve seen a meteor shower.I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.I’ve been to a casino.I’ve been skydiving.I’ve gone skinny dipping.I’ve played spin the bottle.I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. I’ve crashed a car.I’ve been skiing.I’ve been in a play.I’ve met someone in person from MySpace.I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.I’ve seen the Northern lights.I’ve sat on a roof top at night.I’ve played chicken.I’ve played a prank on someone.I’ve ridden in a taxi.I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.I’ve eaten sushi.I’ve been snowboarding.I’m single. I’m in a relationship.I’m engaged.I’m married.I’ve gone on a blind date.I’ve been the dumped more than the dumper.I miss someone right now.I have a fear of abandonment.I’ve gotten divorced.I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.I’ve kept something from a past relationship.I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.I’ve had a crush on a teacher. I am a cuddler.I’ve been kissed in the rain.I’ve hugged a stranger. I have kissed a stranger.I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t.I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.I’ve sneaked out of my house.I have lied to my parents about where I am.I am keeping a secret from the world.I’ve cheated while playing a game.I’ve cheated on a test. I’ve run a red light.I’ve been suspended from school.I’ve witnessed a crime. I’ve been in a fist fight.I’ve been arrested. I’ve consumed alcohol.I regularly drink.I’ve passed out from drinking.I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.I’ve smoked weed.I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.I’ve eaten shrooms.I’ve popped E.I’ve inhaled Nitrous.I’ve done hard drugs.I have cough drops when I’m not sick.I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.I have been diagnosed with one or more anxiety disorder.I shut others out when I’m depressed.I take anti-depressants.I have been anorexic or bulimic.I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.I’ve hurt myself on purpose. I’ve woken up crying.I’m afraid of dying.I hate funerals.I’ve seen someone dying.Someone close to me has committed suicide.I’ve planned my own suicide.I’ve attempted suicide.I’ve written a eulogy for myself.I own over 5 rap CDs.I own an iPod or MP3 player.I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga. I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece.I own something from Hot Topic.I own something from Pac Sun. I collect comic books.I own something from Gap.I own something I got from e-bay.I own something from Abercrombie.I can sing well. I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.I open up to others easily.I watch the news.I don’t kill bugs.I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.I curse regularly.I sing in the shower.I am a morning person. I paid for my cell phone ring tone.I’m a snob about grammar. I am a sports fanatic.I twirl my hair.I have “x”s in my screen name. I love being neat.I love Spam. I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a dayI bake well.My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.I’ve worn pajamas to school.I like Martha Stewart.I know how to shoot a gun I am in love with love.I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.I laugh at my own jokes.I eat fast food weekly.I believe in ghosts.I am online 24/7, even as an away message.I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.I am really ticklish.I love white chocolateI bite my nails.I play video games.I’m good at remembering names. I’m good at remembering dates.I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

The Carpenter

Dear friends,

God bless us all.

The Carpenter

Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side-by-side, sharing machinery and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch.

Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference and finally, it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence.

One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I 'm looking for a few days' work," he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?"

"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor. In fact, it's my younger brother! Last week there was a meadow between us. He recently took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll do him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore."

The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you."

The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day -- measuring, sawing and nailing. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job.

The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all.

It was a bridge .. A bridge that stretched from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work, handrails and all! And the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming toward them, his hand outstretched..

"You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done."

The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox onto his shoulder.

"No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother.
"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but I have many more bridges to build."

Remember This...
God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but He'll ask how many people you helped get where they needed to go.

God won't ask the square footage of your house, but He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, but He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

God won't ask how many friends you had, but He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, but He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

God won't ask about the color of your skin, but He'll ask about the content of your character.

God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation, but He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in Heaven, and not to the gates of hell.

=(

my heart is breaking...

Im so sad...

What a beautiful town.
How I wish here is where I belong
But just like all other,
Home is not in this place.

Nowhere is home
The search is too high a cost
For a poor one like me
I will never find it

What a foolish thought
Thinking that I can keep
The new gift I found.
After all, it was a gift never meant for me

Saying Goodbye

I'm finding a whole new twist

I'm tasting a whole new spice

In this new land I was kissed

By inspiration not at all wise.

Im tracing my steps one last time,

Im counting them one by one,

Im letting go my past so one of a kind

I will miss them again someday

But that day is not today.

Today is where I let go

All the things of yesterday

Today is where I move on

From where I've always stayed

Today I will bid farewell

To the glorious stories written

To the tears and the nightmares

and the pain, my closest companion

I'm turning the page

For a new story

I will not be caged

So just watch and see

This is me, Im moving on.

500 miles away

i remember a crossroad
500 miles ago,
the roads split three,
each seducing me,

i saw the one,
I desperately want
yet the wind blew strong
and I was swept away

I stepped onto a path
a detour so unexpected
it led me to the borders
of far away from destiny

even now, im not half way there
how long more before I reach?
but I MUST keep walking
or it'll mean death here.

I've come this far,
I WILL NOT change course!
or I'll spend all eternity
regretting I lived this life.

its another 500 miles away.