scared.

SCARED!

Crazy

I am going crazy.

I'm doing a really bad thing, aren't I? It's been a long time, but I've not gotten over the trauma. If it happens again, it would be too dramatic. too much!!

Guess it wont, but I'm too afraid.

Then there's this really expensive trip. Should I go? Should I not? Should I take it? Should I not? Should I???????? God, if it's from you, give me a solid, confirming answer. Please??? One so solid, I can't say NO.

I didn't earn it. but that's what grace is. But the story of Cain and Abel. wait... =_= wait, what? how about that story of not giving God what you have not earned? It's like giving God free stuff!

I am going crazy.

I'm already crazy, aren't I?

Nevermind.

Tell me.

Tell me why I was born.

Where are you?

Hi Boy,

Where are you? This land is too vast for one like me. The morning's a desert place - there is no water, no food, nothing grows here. At night, the neon lights turn on, invisible streets appear and the shadowmen awaken. Could you be among those that walk in shadows?

I could hear your voice. Yet, no matter how I search, you are no where to be found.

I made a promise that if you ever call on me, I would travel the world and run to the furthest corners of this earth to bring you back. But are you at a place I have no entry to? Are you at a place where I cannot go?

There is no address I could send this letter to, so I'll rely on the wind and pray it will bring it to you.

Won't you tell me where you are?


Most Sincerely,
Sheryn

How about now?

Well, I can only post really depressing thoughts here. I have to think twice about the other places. =_=

Some time ago, I asked this: Can I die now, please?

But it wasn't time yet.

How about now? I'm kinda tired of living already. But dying now would mean regrets. A lot of it.

After 23 years, and I still feel like an alien on earth.

I'm sorry I didn't see you. I'll try keeping a look out from now on.

What else am I depressed about?

You can stop pretending, you know. I can tell.

How can someone live so many years and not grow up?

I can't believe you don't know why I cried. You are my parent.

I want a God whom I can see and touch.

I think dreams are better than reality.

I've fallen in love with someone who probably does not exist.

I still hate growing up.

I hate paperwork, unless if it's arts and craft.

Sometimes, I smile simply because no one would talk to a sulking face.

Sometimes, I pretend like my spirits are up when they are actually down, so people wouldn't have to feel burdened that they have to worry or comfort me.

Even when I'm really tired, I have to pretend like I'm not because they hate looking at tired faces.

Who are you really? You can't be as shallow as you appear to be. Can you? Won't you reveal yourself?

Do you really need to pretend to be someone you're not just to impress?

I think I feel just almost a little bit better now. ^^

Suddenly, I feel sad again.

My shoulder aches so badly, but I can't tell anyone.

I'm writing so many things here, but I can't tell anyone.

And I'm still really afraid. I'd trust anyone if they told me they were telling the truth.

My biggest fear is to be lost and all alone (right next to insects) which I constantly am.